for thousand more

You have two options: shut this crap down and skip to listen to my restless heart or keep on reading. Congratulations. You just made your choice.

It's not a secret I have too many thought an usually they are not fitting together with my age. Or I am just full of crap as my friend Rasmus said once. And you can't shake your head right now and think than it's not true what I said, because I just did and it fits to my mood today. You haven't been in my head, you don't wanna be there and it's not my business to challenge yours.  Important picture, take a look:

Today was the day when I was able to say everything to anyone who asked for it. I opened up and just bla bla bla(i ment talking) with sense what I felt in that barley moment. And, probably, that's the problem, because I have learned to listen from myself what I think about person instead of listening what others have said and later on act according to situation I have been given. 

Not a secret then there have been many decisions in my life previous month and still there is coming more. Like as we know I have said no for playing next season in Endre. I have said than I will be here but just skip one year, take a rest. But am I gonna be here? Today I got a letter from one coach from Latvia. He have some good tips why I might be interested to go back home. * ThinkingTime* Plus it's not a secret (anymore) than I wanna runaway. I am runaway person, as I know. I don't think than I have hurt someone here, but if I did than probably he have understand than I haven't been the right one and i hope/think he have forget about me and stop fighting. if don't- please forgive me. I had no clue. As people say: " if you love someone, let it free. If he comes back to you, he is yours. If he don't- he never was." In this case I have to set free someone. Someone who I have been trying to forget many times before. Sometimes I have to remind myself than I am 22 years old. Not 27 as my mind thinks. Well this, I hope, is the last time I am writing about and for you. This is the song from me to you. You will always have a place in my heart, I will try to not step by your working place and I will start to .. I don't know. I will look for someone new. But this is for you, Sebastian:

I thinkI have to be one of the luckiest person actually. It is quite a luck to spend your days at the seaside don't you think? Approximately 3 or 4 evenings I am spendig by watching Slowly Dying Sunsets. I can't tell how much beauty I have seen and it's hard to speak my heart out how many weakness moments I have got by sitting there on a edge of cliff and crying my soul out.  I don't care than this little cottage costs a bit more as my usual residence, but it's totally worth it. This is second best place I have ever been lived in. I promise putting my arm on my heart..

 But the first best place? I still haven't found it. But when I do I will know than I am at the right place. Place called Home. Place where my restless heart is gonna found peace and harmony. It's gonna be place where I am gonna feel Love. Place where my heart is. 

Cherry Lauma