I see myself laying on the ground.
Tears cuddle cold-stoned face-traits.
Passion is gone. I kill it.
I killed all of them.
Imagined blood comes outside from inside.
They collide and make me more weaker.
Every respiration remind me I am alive
But deeply I wish I could stop! Stop for a moment
and flow into simplest existence I know:
Being.
be unreachable.
be untouched.
be unseen.
be unheard
but still be beside, over and behind.
Soul recovery.
I take a deep breath.
I been laying stock- still for a while on the ground,
my back remains me I am alive.
Lungs hurts with every breath in.
Heart beats as usual.
Lips beg for water.
This is the place. Without emotions. Emotions belong to soul...
This is the place where everything starts and ends. Where I start to dream and where I quit them. Place where I kill, survive and made my ames. place where I disappointing myself and place where i lift myself up! Place of thoughts. Place of me. Here you are not gonna found my soul. here you are gonna found my thoughts and my truth. Welcome to my head.
Sometimes there are time when you wanna laugh all the time, kidding around, catch eye-contacts and be the most positive person ever met! well.. not today and that's not me.
A lot of thinking. Again.
Was wondering about other kind of life. Right now my life consists of work, floorball, home and, in a best case, some creative drawing or poetry after practice. That's almost all my day by day. I would love to change it. at least for a while until I started to miss it again! I wanna miss floorball! I wanna play it with my heart. Now I am playing it because I have to. And I will keep on doing it. I have responsibility's for my team. I just can't quit!!! It's not working like that. Can say, I am in "relationship with floorball". I found no time for dating. I could find it.. but if I might found him.. do I will found enough time for him? Other kind of life. it might look like this. I came home after work and my boyfriend is already here. We made some dinner together. He probably go to his practice, I:
take my violin and go to violin ensemble.
sing in a band
go to art school/ my own studio by art or photography/ teach art lessons, violin lessons
go climbing
go outside for run
study
do nothing.
go out with my friends
work in some other work
coach young goalkeepers
share " Free Hugs" almost every day
do charity work
will become a writer
well.. pretty much something "other kind of life". Today I wanted something different. I really wanted to go to some wide, empty place with stage and spotlight on and play violin like Vanessa Mae do. I love her. I wish I could be as half as good as she is. Play as she do. Without fear. With tripping, fast, skillful fingers. And I know than I could. I believe than I could. But.. Under every success hides a hard, long and patient work. And it takes time. Precious Time.
