Day by Day.

Day passed day and I have missed summer days. And guess what, the autumn is here. Woke up few days ago, cast a look out of the window and saw the first colorful leaves in a tree branches. They are there outside, shining in a light of rising sun every morning around 6am. The autumn is here.

A lot of things have changed in my life, a lot of them is still the same.
I have changed goalkeepers helmet to floorball stick. I have decided to do what I always have wanted to do- play as a defender. Several practices have already made my decision more stronger and acceptable.

I feel stupid, awesome, good and stubborn in a same way.
I am too young and unexperienced to accept only what I feel. Still, I am listening what people around me think and talks.. but I feel right working hard and late hours. I don't feel like I am doing wrong. I am not killing myself but people says I can "run into a wall". The worst thing probably is than I kind a wanna know how it might feels.? And if it's really as people say's than I might just fall apart and feel really exhausted I wanna feel that for once in my life and defiantly fight against it. I don't believe than this overworking "sickness" can ruin a person. Only weak one couldn't fight against his own body?  It should be a challenge. And I am a challenge to myself. But my aim is not to get this "sickness", but help.
TO WORK. How does it sounds to you? it usually sounds like:" ehh.. again HAVE TO go to work, because that's the ONLY legal way how to earn a MONEY and provide family with food. " and how it feels? it usually feels like: exhausted, tired, BORING, sleepy. There are few of workers who time to time thinks than it's fun to go to work and it's thanks to his colleges, I think. I am one of the person who is doing my best to make this feeling grow in my company. I don't think my work is boring, there are many challenges and responsibilities every day. Even the smallest thing I fix at work gives a lot. I am same as everyone- I am going to work to earn money, sad, but The Money owns the World. But still I do it for more smiles at work. The people who in barely beginning didn't know than they will care about me, gave me this opportunity to work for them and day by day I have learned to trust them, understand them, care about them and even love them. The Company is like a human body, every part of the body, every smallest cell, every blood capillary  have to be in used and do it's functions. That's how to keep the body alive and healthy. That's how company is working. That's how it is.
I am like a small company. I work hard and late hours just to make my Costumer satisfied. And my costumer is my employer.

From lineman I have become a Team Leader and responsible for Quality Control at SweProd Graphics. I never thought than my employer is gonna be right than I have a good leaderships. But I do. Still I am saying than I am no leader and I am not a social person, but I am thrown in this position and it feels cozy, responsible and challenging day by day. I give my all into thing I care. I give my best even when the hope is gone.

I am not worried by saying words my mom once said to me: " you are a child of the sun with so many talents. You are in this World to show the way for others."

xoxo,
Your Cherry Lauma

 

The calmness before the storm?

I know, something is going to change. I have been in this position for a while and I don't like it anymore. I don't like it at all. I was tired of being in same routine day by day, I changed it, for a while I really liked it but now the new routine is chasing after me again. The change is coming. I can feel it with some undiscovered sense in my body. Maybe it's my intuition. And it feels not good at all. It feels.. scary and calm at the same way. I'll be ready.

I don't feel good inside.

I am reading Osho book of meditation and it says to do not fight against body needs like eating or drinking water. If you will start that, it gonna ends with your death. Take a fight with your mind memories and when you will win them, you are gonna be free and happy. Mind memories is a routine which captured all you and do not let you be free. It's memories I have to fight with. When you stop collect them, mind can't remind you how to act or what to do in coming situation, because it don't know how. But every time when there comes a similar situation, be spontaneous and creative. Don't do what you have done before if there is other option how to solve the problem. It's the way how to get out of routine. It's how to be happy.

Change is coming sooner or later.

xoxo,
Cherry Lauma